Befriending Your Nervous System: A Gentle Guide to Polyvagal Awareness

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Introduction 

Have you ever felt anxious and couldn’t explain why? Or suddenly shut down in the middle of a conversation? These moments may not be random. According to Polyvagal Theory, they reflect how your autonomic nervous system is constantly scanning for cues of safety or threat. Understanding this system gives you powerful tools for self-awareness, regulation, and compassion.

The vagus nerve, also known as the vagal nerves, are the main nerves of your parasympathetic nervous system. This system controls specific body functions such as your digestion, heart rate and immune system. These functions are involuntary, meaning you can’t consciously control them.

What Is Polyvagal Theory? 

Developed by neuroscientist Dr. Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory reveals that our nervous system isn’t just about "fight or flight", or "collapse, shut down or withdraw". It includes a third state—one of connection, calm, and presence. These three states, operating hierarchically, shape how we experience the world:

1. Ventral Vagal State – Safe and Social This is your "green zone" — the state of connection, curiosity, and grounded presence. When in ventral vagal, you feel safe enough to listen, relate, and reflect. Your breathing is steady, your muscles relaxed, and your thoughts clear.

2. Sympathetic State – Fight or Flight This is the mobilization response. Your system senses danger and prepares you to act. You may feel anxious, angry, or restless. Heart rate increases, muscles tighten, and thoughts become urgent.

3. Dorsal Vagal State – Shutdown or Freeze When fight or flight isn't possible, the body may collapse into stillness or withdrawal. This state often brings feelings of numbness, fog, or despair. Energy drops, and you may want to disappear.

How to Recognize Your State in Real Time Each state has unique physical, emotional, and mental signatures. Building awareness starts with pausing and checking in:

• Body: Is your breath shallow or deep? Muscles tense or soft?

• Emotion: Do you feel present, reactive, or checked out?

• Thoughts: Are they open, urgent, or hopeless?

  
  

Daily Polyvagal Self-Check Practice Try this 3-step self-check three times a day (morning, midday, evening):

1. Pause & Feel: Breathe deeply. Notice body sensations and energy.

   
   

2. Name the State: Use the traffic light metaphor:

   • 🔵 Ventral (Green) – Safe & Social

   • 🔶 Sympathetic (Orange) – Mobilized

   • 🔹 Dorsal (Blue) – Shut Down

     
     

3. Take Gentle Action:

   • Ventral: Stay connected. Savor safety.

   • Sympathetic: Breathe slowly. Move mindfully.

   • Dorsal: Use gentle sensory input. Reach out softly.

     
     

Why This Matters You are not your anxiety or your shutdown. These are states, not traits. They shift. With awareness and gentle practices, you can return to your center. Polyvagal awareness is a powerful tool for emotional resilience and compassionate living.

Further Reading

• The Polyvagal Theory by Stephen W. Porges

• The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy by Deb Dana

• Anchored by Deb Dana

• Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve by Stanley Rosenberg

  
  

Final Thought 

Learning to name and track your nervous system state isn’t just a psychological exercise—it’s a deep act of self-compassion that every one of us well deserves. You’re not broken when you feel anxious or numb. Your body is doing exactly what it’s designed to do: protect you.

What changes everything is the awareness that you can recognize your state, name it, and support yourself gently back toward balance.

Befriending your nervous system is not a one-time fix. It's a daily practice of listening, naming, and nurturing. It brings you home to yourself.